A funny thing has happened to me as my daughter’s wedding fast approaches (we’re five days and counting), I’ve begun to chill. For whatever reason maybe the months of planning are starting to feel like old news. Maybe I’m finally aware that you can do no more than control your own actions and choices. Or maybe it’s the sound advice I’ve been getting from other people who have already been through the process.

As a result of my last newsletter in which I apologized for all the decisions wedding planning necessitates that end up leaving out and hurting folks, I received an overwhelming number of comments. Here’s an anonymous sampling:

“You really hit the nail on the head there…remember even the Royals (as in William and Kate) had to eliminate heads of state (the Obamas), relatives (former Auntie Sarah Ferguson) and others from their rather ‘elaborate’ wedding!”

“Best advice I can give is just relax and enjoy the day. It goes by way too quickly.”

“Once you have hosted a wedding, you are able to look back and forward through a new set of lenses. We had the identical apologetic thoughts after the fact. Since our daughter’s wedding, we have explained to many people who were feeling hurt at not getting an expected invitation to someone else’s child’s wedding that you can only understand ‘not making the cut’ once you have personally created and revised a wedding list for your own child’s wedding. Every point you made in your newsletter brought a smile of recognition to my face. Just think, the lessons you learned through the wedding planning process will remain with you for the rest of your life. And they will fill you with a forgiveness and understanding that will forever protect you from feeling angry, annoyed, hurt or slighted by decisions surrounding a friend or relative’s future wedding.”

“Just remember, the wedding will be a wonderful occasion no matter what happens with the weather, etc. Debra and the groom won’t even taste the food; they’ll be too busy seeing everyone. You don’t want a perfect affair; what would you have to talk about later if everything was perfect?”

The next time we meet I will be a mother-in-law. A cool, calm and collected one. I promise.

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